


pat me, asshole

by spaceboy_niko



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Animal Hybrid AU, Gen, M/M, Ryan is a cat, also the ryden is mostly implied, he's not very comfortable with it though so dont be too mean to him about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceboy_niko/pseuds/spaceboy_niko
Summary: Ryan thought the hardest part was hiding his tail.An animal hybrid AU where Ryan is a cat.





	pat me, asshole

**Author's Note:**

> ryan is literally the personification of my thought process in this i s2g

Ryan thought the hardest part was hiding his tail.

His ears tucked away under his hat or folded down into his hair, but stuffing his tail down his trouser leg every night before the show and then hoping to god that it didn’t twitch or something was another matter. Every night as they stood on stage to the final round of deafening applause, Ryan silently congratulated himself on his willpower. Sure, human-animal hybrids were pretty common nowadays, but Ryan didn’t particularly want to be seen as a figurehead for them. Leave that to the bigger stars.

As they trooped offstage, Ryan fidgeted with the back of his tight pants and slid his tail out slowly from where it wrapped around his left leg. The dark tail flicked around and he sighed, trying to work the cramps out of it. Two hours was a long time to keep a limb - was it a limb? A muscle? Whatever the fuck it is - still and out of sight.

A hand came up behind him and rubbed his hair and ears affectionately.

“Dude, you did amazingly out there tonight. Seriously, I think that’s the best I’ve ever seen you play.” Brendon reached up to ruffle his hair a bit and smooth down his ears. Ryan leaned into the touch and purred softly, deep in his throat. Brendon chuckled.

“God, I swear you’re more cat than human sometimes.”

Ryan’s ears twitched and he flicked his tail out at Brendon. “Shut up.”

The noise from the fans outside drifted into their dressing room as they sat in the post-show adrenaline haze, drinks in hand. Spencer and Brendon talked quietly as Jon methodically rolled up guitar leads, humming one of the songs they’d just played.

Ryan stretched out on the couch and yawned, tail curled along the back of his legs. Concerts always took a lot out of him. Damn his feline laziness. But, hey. This was nice. He could get used to this. When they had to get to the bus, he’d probably steal the couch there. Jon and Spencer would probably sit on him, though. Still. Worth it.

“Scoot.” Brendon gently pushed Ryan’s legs off half the couch, then sat down gently, leaning back into the chair. Ryan groaned in annoyance and turned around so his head rested on Brendon’s stomach, rearranging his legs and tail to fit on the remaining part of the couch. The vibrations from Brendon’s voice buzzed through his head as he continued to chat with Spencer. Something about SJC sponsoring them sometime and drums and stuff.

A cool hand snuck between his ears and rubbed gently. He tilted his head a bit and saw Brendon’s arm reaching down to his head, absently patting him while he continued talking, gesturing with the other hand. Ryan turned his head again. This was good. Why didn’t he get their manager to get someone for the sole purpose of patting him? That’d be really good.

Spencer must have said something really exciting around about then, because Brendon started gesticulating with both hands and talking a little louder.

“Mmf.” Surely one of his more eloquent moments. He was going to have to look into that permanent petter thing, because _clearly_ Brendon wasn’t consistent enough. He’d have to do for now, though.

Ryan made a distressed noise and started grabbing at Brendon’s sleeve, trying to get his attention again, but Brendon had gone off about something or other.

“Brendon, I think you’ve upset someone.” Spencer interrupted him gently, laughing at Ryan’s frantic mewls and his pawing at Brendon’s left elbow.

“I–what? Oh my god,” Brendon sighed as he realised, “I can’t pat you forever, you know that, right, Ryan?”

Ryan huffed irritably.

“Yes, but you can pat me now, and that’s all I care about. You’re really lucky I don’t have claws, or there’d be a massive hole in that sleeve right now.”

Brendon rolled his eyes and slid his fingers back into Ryan’s hair, scratching gently around the bases of his ears and working his way down to where his ears connected behind his sideburns, down to his jawbone. Ryan made a noise of approval and leaned slightly into his touch. You know what, he didn’t need a professional petter really. Brendon actually did a pretty good job. And if Brendon wasn’t cutting it, well. He’d have to pull some strings then, and unravel the whole yarn ball of his privileges.

_ Note to self: make more cat puns. _

Brendon gave him a more solid pat lower down on his back, as if to say _that’s enough for now_ , and said, “C’mon. Bus now.”

Bus? Bus had beds and more couch. Sounded pretty good. Ryan peeled himself away from Brendon’s jeans and the carpet-like material of the couch. Spencer laughed from across the room.

“What’s so funny?”

Jon was kind enough to point out that “You’ve got a Urie-jeans-mark on half of your face.”

Thanks, Jon.

Fuck you, Spencer.

Ryan smoothed down his ears and snaked his tail around his hips, adjusting his shirt so nothing was evident. Oh, god, if something slipped while he was walking past the barricades. That’d be internet fuel for approximately forever.

The cheers and screams grew in volume as they left the venue. This was quite possibly the worst part of the show ritual. He’d just gotten comfortable and then had to recompose himself. It was like shouting to the world _yes, I am a 100-per-cent bona fide human! No animal hybridisation, no sir, especially not a cat! Haha, yes, I am a human, a whole human and nothing but a human!_

It sounded as fake as it felt. God, he’s got to alleviate his mental tension somehow now.

He tapped Brendon on the shoulder. “Race ya?”

Brendon waved at the hordes behind the fence and nodded. “Hell yeah.”

“Three, two, one, go!” Ryan took off and heard Brendon’s yells of “fuck you!” as he ran after him. He saw the glints of cellphone and camera lights, blurred as he sprinted down the long line of fans. The _thud-thud-thud_ of Brendon’s feet caught up to him and he tightened his tail around his waist, putting in an extra boost of speed, because, come on. This was for the glory.

Ryan smashed side-on into the bus wall, and was sandwiched by Brendon about half a second later. A techie leaned out of the bus door and raised an eyebrow disapprovingly.

They trooped in to the bus and Ryan gravitated towards the couch. He liked this one better than the one in the dressing room, which was like his grandma’s carpet. You know what? He could probably sleep out here, provided that Brendon didn’t start playing songs from Disney or Breakfast at Tiffany’s again, or that Spencer and Jon didn’t sit on him. Both were equally likely, to be honest, and he didn’t know which he’d prefer.

Hey! Brendon! Brendon could pat him. That’d be good. Brendon was probably the best person who’d patted him.

He didn’t realise he’d been staring Brendon down until said person crossed the room and leant down to face level.

“If you want me to pat you, you can just say so.”

Ryan bumped his nose against Brendon’s. “Shut up and pat me, asshole.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr (spaceboy-niko.tumblr.com)


End file.
